Self-Esteem & Confidence
Self-esteem is the way we see, value, and speak to ourselves. When self-esteem is low, it can become difficult to recognise your strengths, trust your decisions, or feel confident in relationships, work, study, parenting, or everyday life.
Low self-esteem is not simply “thinking negatively”. It can develop over time through life experiences, criticism, rejection, bullying, trauma, family expectations, relationship difficulties, comparison, or repeated feelings of not being good enough.
What low self-esteem can feel like
Low self-esteem can affect the way you think, feel, behave, and relate to others. It may show up as self-doubt, harsh self-talk, fear of failure, people-pleasing, perfectionism, or difficulty accepting praise.
Some people with low self-esteem appear confident on the outside, while privately feeling anxious, uncertain, or overly critical of themselves. Others may avoid opportunities, relationships, or decisions because they fear judgement, rejection, or making mistakes.
Common experiences of low self-esteem
Common experiences of low self-esteem may include:
• Feeling not good enough
• Comparing yourself harshly with others
• Difficulty accepting compliments
• Fear of failure, criticism, or rejection
• People-pleasing or struggling to say no
• Harsh inner criticism or negative self-talk
• Avoiding new opportunities or challenges
• Feeling overly responsible for others’ feelings
• Doubting your decisions or abilities
• Finding it hard to recognise your strengths
Low self-esteem can become a cycle. The more a person expects criticism, failure, or rejection, the more they may avoid situations or judge themselves harshly. Over time, this can make confidence feel even harder to build.
Building healthier self-esteem
Notice your self-talk. Begin by paying attention to the way you speak to yourself. Ask whether your inner voice is fair, kind, realistic, or overly harsh.
Look for balanced evidence. Low self-esteem often focuses only on mistakes or weaknesses. Try gently asking, “What else is true?” or “What strengths did I show, even in a difficult situation?”
Practise accepting positives. It can feel uncomfortable to notice your strengths, achievements, or efforts. However, acknowledging positives is an important part of developing a more balanced view of yourself.
Challenge impossible standards. Confidence can suffer when you expect yourself to be perfect, always please others, or never make mistakes. Healthier self-esteem allows room for learning, growth, and being human.
Take small confidence-building steps. Confidence often grows through small actions. Speaking up once, setting one boundary, trying one new task, or accepting one compliment can become a meaningful step forward.
How counselling can help
Counselling can provide a safe, respectful, and non-judgemental space to explore self-esteem, confidence, self-doubt, and self-criticism. It can help you understand where these patterns may have come from and how they may be affecting your choices, relationships, and wellbeing.
At Lyra Counselling, support is collaborative and paced around your needs. Counselling may help you:
• Understand patterns of low self-esteem and self-doubt
• Explore negative self-talk and self-criticism
• Build more balanced and compassionate self-beliefs
• Develop confidence in communication and decision-making
• Strengthen boundaries and reduce people-pleasing
• Recognise your strengths, values, and personal worth
• Take small, realistic steps towards confidence and self-acceptance
Building self-esteem does not mean becoming arrogant or pretending everything is fine. It means developing a more balanced, respectful, and compassionate relationship with yourself.
When to seek extra support
It may be helpful to seek support if low self-esteem is affecting your mood, relationships, work, study, parenting, decision-making, or daily life. Speaking with a GP, counsellor, or mental health professional can help you explore what support may be most appropriate.
If low self-esteem or self-doubt is affecting your life, counselling may offer a safe space to understand these patterns and begin building confidence with care.
Important note
This article is for general information only and is not a substitute for personalised mental health advice, diagnosis, or crisis support. If you are in immediate danger, please call 000 or attend your nearest emergency department.
For crisis support in Australia, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14, Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, or Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467.
Sources
Centre for Clinical Interventions
https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/looking-after-yourself/self-esteem
Centre for Clinical Interventions
https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/looking-after-yourself